Dealing With The Death
The death of a loved one is expressed externally and internally. Some grief-stricken individuals try to repress the pain, hold back the tears and instead turn to anger or silence. One day the natural feelings of sadness and grief will catch up with you, and may even cause physical or mental illness. It is important to remember that friends and family are there for you and that there is a time and a place for everything - so if ever there was a time to cry on someone's shoulder, now is it!
Your friends and family can create a tremendous support net for you following the death and funeral for a friend or family member. Some people instinctively withdraw from others in their time of loss. This can be hard for the comforters to understand, especially if the person grieving is a spouse. Be aware that people will genuinely want to comfort you, they want you to come to them for an embrace or to talk about your feelings.
The hardest part is feeling shut out and helpless. While it may not be the first thing on your mind or a natural tendency, when you're ready, accept the help of those around. Open up to them by trying to recall fond memories of the person who has died. Sometimes there need not be any conversation at all, as the power of a hug is incredible at bolstering emotional strength. Even if you're not a "huggy" kind of person, the wounded soul seeks this kind of comfort.
In some cases, after the funeral or memorial service is over, family and friends are not enough. This is especially true of infant deaths, suicides, parental deaths and spousal deaths. These are all major losses that can affect you psychologically over time if not dealt with properly. Feelings of guilt with suicides can be acute and painful, whereas the death of an infant, spouse or parent can feel like a part of your own identity has died as well. Mourning can quickly turn to guilt complexes, depression or other mental illnesses.
Following the death, many people try to push away pain by drinking excessively. No matter how much you drink, you will not forget what has happened. You could pass out, black out, or stay drunk for months without ever really healing the problem inside you. In fact, when you drink, you'll experience a depletion of much-needed chemicals the next day, that often leave you feeling even more bereft and incomplete. If you have an addictive personality or if addiction runs in your family, you will be especially prone to this kind of reaction, so beware and seek help when needed.
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Today's Tip On Funerals
Wakes are a good time to seek out a support system. Find others who are grieving as much as you - or even more than you - and bond together. Make arrangements to meet for lunch. Take trips to the gravesite together or flip through old photo albums. It's comforting to know you are not alone in your grief. The death of a loved one can be traumatizing, more so than you initially realize, so it's important to deal with your feelings in a healthy manner.
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